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The Ranch
The Ranch is not actually a ranch at all, but an impenetrable fortress located in the mountains of Nepal. It was built, and is currently owned by Dr. Phil, who sends those who he deems a threat to his power. The prison was originally built by Dr. Phil to contain He who Shall Not Be Named, but after he offered to mediate the fight between Lol Yu Pol and Legal the Siberian, Lol Yu Pol became so angry, he snapped his fingers and the hair on top of Dr. Phil’s head disintegrated. This scared Dr. Phil so much that he abandoned trying to contain Lol Yu Pol, and built it as a prison for those who defy him, or challenge his position. The Ranch was built to be inescapable, and it stayed that way for over 50 years until 2016. 2016 Incident On February 17th, 2016, Legal the Siberian (prisoner) with the help of Steve Harvey (prisoner), were able to escape from the fortress. Most details of their plan are largely unknown, however a few facts are known about their escape. The details include using Steve Harvey’s mustache hair to unlock the cell door, hiding in the mashed potato rations, and flushing themselves down the prison toilets. Once free, Steve Harvey and Legal needed to make a trek across the frozen Nepal wasteland that was 700 miles in each direction. Steve was attacked by a Snow Leopard that mistook his bushy mustache for a buffalo. Steve has said that he told Legal to "leave me Harvey behind, I'm weighing you down and you won't to be able to make it...". Legal, however, ignored him, and carried him on his shoulders for over 400 miles. After a month of climbing, walking, and surviving, the pair made it to a remote village, and were able to get a car ride to the airport. Once at the airport, the two said goodbye to each other and went their separate ways, never seeing each other again. It can be assumed that Steve Harvey went into hiding, however, he still does broadcast The Steve Harvey Show, however he keeps his location hidden. After hearing of the escape, Dr. Phil was furious, and demanded the two be hunted down, but was unsuccessful in his attempt to locate either of them. Prisoners kept at The Ranch The following is a list of prisoners that were either currently, or formerly kept at The Ranch. Legal the Siberian (former) After learning of Legal’s power, Dr. Phil had him imprisoned, as he saw Legal as a threat, and someone who could intervene in his plans. He lured Legal into The Ranch with a knish, and Legal took the bait. He was able to escape in 2016. Steve Harvey (former) Dr. Phil had Steve thrown into The Ranch because of how similar the two are. He hated how much attention Steve was gaining, and kidnapped him live on Family Feud. The episode was never aired, but copies of it do exist on YouTube. He was able to escape in 2016. Mark Zuckerberg Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, was imprisoned in The Ranch after Dr. Phil found out about Facebook. Dr. Phil is old, and did not understand technology, so he had him thrown into The Ranch just because. Also, Mark is a biological robot created by Reptilians sent to Earth to spy on humans, so this may have contributed to his detainment. Emperor Hirohito (frozen in carbonite) Emperor Hirohito was the Emperor of Japan during World War II. He fought against the Allies on the side of the Axis. It was largely believes that he died on January 7th, 1989, however he was actually frozen two decades prior in carbonite. He is still alive, and completely unharmed, but is stuck in suspended animation until he is freed from the carbonite. He was transferred to The Ranch some time after he was frozen. Brendan Fraser Brendan was sent to The Ranch after he become more popular than Dr. Phil. That’s why he isn’t in any movies anymore. Matt The Mii (clone) Dr. Phil managed to capture a clone of Matt the Mii, who was cloned using Matt's urine, who was causing chaos around the world. He is currently being experimented on by the staff at The Ranch. Oprah Dr. Phil turned on his old master and defeated her in a battle. He sent her to The Ranch, and she has remained there for 17 years. J.K. Rowling J.K. was sent to The Ranch after Dr. Phil got fed up with her having a weird mid-life crisis on Twitter. People who spoil movies Dr. Phil was able to round up every person in the entire world who spoils movies before people can see them, and contain them in The Ranch. Johnny Test Johnny Test is currently being held in solitary confinement in The Ranch. Dr. Phil hated the show, and had him deported. Prison guards report hearing deranged laughing, and whip noises. LeLe Pons Lele was thrown into The Ranch after Dr. Phil watched 3 seconds of her Instagram “comedy.” Jake Paul Jake was sent off to The Ranch after Dr. Phil got fed up with him. He had Jake Paul put under maximum security. It is assumed he lost his mind in prison, as he is reported to make “vlogs” with and invisible camera. He pretends to take a selfie before he eats his meals, and has 10 volleyballs with hand imprints that he calls “Team 10.” He mostly narrates his boring, mundane, days in his cell, pretending to vlog. Notch (former) Notch was thrown into The Ranch after Dr. Phi, realized the power of Minecraft. He has since been released. DJ KHALID DJ Khalid was sent to The Ranch after Dr. Phil listened to his music. He is assumed to have also lost his mind, as he only yells “DJ KHALID” for hours upon end, and does not say anything else. Bruce Willis Brice Willis was sent to The Ranch after Dr. Phil was angered at him. Dr. Phil was quoted saying “This planet ain’t big enough for two bald headed boys.” Herobrine Herobrine is contained in a special cell designed specifically for him. It is inescapable, and Herobrine has attempted to escape many times. If he were to escape, it would cause a global disaster. Dab Emoji Dr. Phil was somehow able to contain the dab emoji, which was released in 2016 along with Apple's new iPhone. Dr. Phil, using his secretive global web, was able to find out about this early, and contain it before it was released to the public. Dr. Phil hates all forms of dabbing, and this might explain why he chose to contain it. A city boy The city boy is just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. He took the midnight train going anywhere. He is known to have collaborated with small town girl, and singer in a smokey room. Rian Johnson After seeing the latest Star Wars movie, Dr. Phil did not understand it. This could be explained by Dr. Phil not seeing any Star Wars movies before, and his isolation from pop-culture, so literally none of it made any sense. Dr. Phil is quoted as saying "That gerber baby with facial hair made this? That dog don't hunt! Send him to The Ranch!"